Welcome back ladies and gents! It’s been quite a long time but after a long 2018, I am back! Now, I suppose we should quickly recap 2018 before we jump headfirst into 2019, and I believe we should start with recapping the WORST movies of 2018.
I know it’s a little harsh yet this is not just to pick on bad films. It’s to highlight what movies did not work so (hopefully) Hollywood will not repeat their past mistakes. I know. I know. That won’t happen (see Transformers box office numbers). But it’s still an intriguing exercise. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU….
Night School: This is an example of a comedy where no one yelled cut. Kevin Hart just goes on and on and on and on without stop. Hart is at his best when there is someone there to counter him (e.g. shut him up). When that doesn’t happen, you get this.
Death Wish: Based on his past couple of movies, I think Bruce Willis has lost the will to live…or at least act. This whole movie he looks like he’s in a trance. It’s as if he walks onto set and goes “whatever, where’s my check.” Unimaginative. Not exciting in any way shape or form. Just. Boring.
The Commuter: So let’s recount what we have. We have Taken 1, 2 and 3. We have Taken with Amnesia, Taken on a Plane, Taken with Wolves, and now Taken on a Train. AND NEXT YEAR we’ll get Taken with a Snowplow. Liam. I think it’s time. No not to stop. God no. It’s time for your true calling. It’s time for Taken in SPAAAAAACE!! I’ll be here with the script when you’re ready for it. DEWIT YOU COWARD!
A Wrinkle in Time: hmmmm. hmmmm. hmmmmmmmmm. No. And moving on!
Gosnell: I’m not even going to touch the political aspect of this movie. Why? Cause I don’t have to. This movie is on the level one of those Hallmark channel movies that your mom (or my mom) loves to watch in December….or July if your mom is like mine. And if you’ve never seen a Hallmark movie…They’re bad. Really bad. I could make a better movie than this. Maybe. Probably. So yeah.
Red Sparrow: Do you ever wonder why famous actors and actresses take roles like this? Like JLaw? Seriously? Did you just need the money? Are the X-Men movies not paying enough? Because I cannot fathom what convinced you to star in this movie other than a comically large bag of money. This spy movie is so bad it almost shifts into a comedy because it’s so moronic. If you want a spy movie, you can find better. If you want a Jennifer Lawrence movie, you can do better. Just. Just do better.
15:17 to Paris: This is a remarkable story of three innocent bystanders saving a lot of people. The problem is that this movie does not respect their story. I actually think it tarnishes their story. Yeah. It’s that bad. Instead of watching this, go google their story and pay your respect that way.
Gringo: I had high hopes for this movie as the trailers looked promising. Yet like so many comedies out there, the trailer far surpasses the movie itself. 2018 had a bunch of great comedies (Tag, Game Night, Blockers), however this is not one of them.
Robin Hood: Should I say anything else? I’m serious. Show me a decent Robin Hood Movie and I’ll show you where the fountain of youth is. Seriously, it’s in my back yard next to the Holy Grail.
Homes and Watson: You know a movie is bad when even Netflix denies you. I almost walked out of this movie. It’s just. I cannot describe how bad this movie is. On one hand, I want to find every copy of this movie and launch them into the sun, yet I also kind of want this movie to stand as an example of how NOT to make a movie. Regardless, if you were thinking about seeing this, don’t. Just don’t. Either watch Step Brothers or the RDJ Sherlock Homes movie.
ALRIGHT THAT’S IT. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Seriously. Gals and guys. Don’t see these. Any of them. They’re all so….so…..so bad. Like anything else. Watch paint dry. Or grass grow. Or just do nothing. Do anything that does not involve watching these 10 movies.
Next week, we’ll cover the 10 BEST movies of 2018. So stay tuned!
(Featured picture courtesy of Shutterstock. All movie posters from their respective Wikipedia pages. I do not own any of the images used in this post. All copyright material used under fair use and for review purposes only.)